Favourite Lines I Wrote Today:

Hal appeared next to him, ‘Sorry about that, Darling. This place is a maze. What are you doing?’

‘Being shit at poker,’ said James looking at the cards in front of him.

‘You’re playing black jack.’

James stared at him and then looked at the other gamblers around the table who were now all smiling at him, ‘That explains so much.’

Lines I Wish I Had Written:

I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.

From Hamlet by William Shakespeare

Favourite Lines I Wrote Today:

(luckily before James had succumbed to the evil of the demon drink).

Lines I Wish I Had Written:

Jerry: This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, it’s with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I might’ve been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet any social challenge.
George: Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.
Jerry: Absolutely.
George: It’s fabulous.

From Seinfeld by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David

Favourite Lines I Wrote Today:

‘That lady just told me I was going to Hell for working with Kennedy.’

‘Why?’ Said Hal.

‘She didn’t go into specifics about my crime but had lots to say about my punishment.’

Lines I Wish I Had Written:

Elektra King: I could have given you the world.
James Bond: The world is not enough.
Elektra King: Foolish sentiment.
James Bond: Family motto.

From The World is Not Enough by Robert Wade and Neal Purvis

Favourite Lines I Wrote Today:

‘Television. We put Kennedy on TV next to Nixon for the debates and just let the fact that our candidate looked like a movie star quarterback and their candidate looked like a turd with the flu speak for itself.’

Lines I Wish I Had Written:

Artie: It’s scotch whiskey… Glenlivet, single malt. When you die, you’ll go to heaven, say hello to God; and when God says hello to you, this is what you’ll smell on his breath.

From The Larry Sanders Show by Gary Shandling and Dennis Klein.

Favourite Lines I Wrote Today:

James had rode along with Hal and Donnie and the collective smell of the three unwashed, sleep deprived and angry men was enough that the driver spent most of the trip with his head out of the window like a dog, excited to be allowed in the car by its owners.

Lines I Wish I Had Written:

Russia held its parliamentary elections last week. The result: it decided to go with a dictatorship.

From The Daily Show by Jon Stewart